April! What a month! I got myself back into photography, had my heart trampled upon, accepted a new job, saw a fuckload of cherry blossom, went to the beach more times than I can remember and discovered some sweet new music. Often-times this month I have wondered how it is that people do this. And with this I mean ‘life’.
The last couple of monthly recaps I think I have been a bit sentimental. This is my excuse to act a little self-centred, please excuse me while I have a few things to get off my chest. Life is life is life and it goes on. Realisations of this month? I don’t want to disappoint myself and I sure don’t want to disappoint the people around me. I have some issues with trust. I am afraid of love. And basically being cynical is my coping mechanism. Heck, distancing myself from people is my coping mechanism. It still boggles my mind how this blog is my way of expressing myself, yet I feel incapable of doing so any other way. I tried, I really did try, this month to open up to the people around me. To try and trust myself and the universe to work it out. Doesn’t mean I didn’t fail… but we talked about trying and failing earlier on, right?
But now that April is done, I actually find myself feeling optimistic. Life is a seemingly controllable shitstorm of uncontrollable things and I’m just making the best of it? This may come out more pessimistic than I hoped — really… I am hopeful! Somewhat, at least!! Does it help if I add more exclamation marks?