Why hello there, it has been a little while since I last had the guts to share my thoughts here. It’s weird dusting off the cobwebs of my absence, but tonight I feel like writing and sharing and using this as a mirror to reflect and introspect. Maybe something that I’ll come to regret, but who knows?
In less then a week I had gotten two options. Two opportunities. One was a new apartment to live in, and the an offer for a nice position in a well-known company (which would probably look pretty good on my CV). Both impactful and, well, seemingly great opportunities.
And yes, there’s a few things that need changing in the new year. And yes, those are actually both those things: a career opportunity and another place to live that allows me to live in the loveliest city of the Netherlands. What I need to learn however, apparently, is that it doesn’t mean that I have to fix this all as soon as possible. And I should most probably know myself by now and see it coming too. But I didn’t, and I don’t, and looking back saying should, would and could doesn’t help the now.
So here I am for the umpteenth time, trying to set boundaries and put myself first, prioritise my mental health — especially when it’s about a such a big decision. In all honesty, I am not sure why I am blogging about this, it sort of feels like I am convincing myself that I made the right decision. Overthinking my options, but choosing to refuse to accept still. A “thanks but no thanks” is, or can be, a very legitimate decision. Yet it’s proving to be a hard lesson.
For 2019 I had 5 resolutions, and I definitely would like to do a recap on them. Even though I am failing myself mostly there. I want to set the bar right for 2020. I want to do better, and be better… not just for everyone around be — mostly for me. It feels highly self-centred, yet it seems like I need exactly that. One of my flatmates asked me: “if you don’t put yourself in first place, who will?” — What she said sounded like a full-on TED talk, but it did help.
I don’t want to be self-centred, but I want (or need) to learn to set boundaries, for myself and the people around me. To prioritise the right things, including my mental health. And yes, I want to be ready for all that’s to come… as ready as I’ll ever be maybe, but ready nonetheless.
Happy December, folks!