Why hello there, it has been a little while since I last had the guts to share my thoughts here. It’s weird dusting off the cobwebs of my absence, but tonight I feel like writing and sharing and using this as a mirror to reflect and introspect. Maybe something that I’ll come to regret, but who knows?
In less then a week I had gotten two options. Two opportunities. One was a new apartment to live in, and the an offer for a nice position in a well-known company (which would probably look pretty good on my CV). Both impactful and, well, seemingly great opportunities. Seemingly is a key word here.
There’s a few things that need changing in the new year, of those things is indeed another career opportunity and another place (mostly so that me and the housemates are able to keep living in the best place of Holland with the ever-steepening rent these days). This however, apparently, doesn’t mean that I have to fix this before 2020. I should probably know myself by now and I should have probably see this coming too. But I didn’t, and looking back saying should, would and could doesn’t help the now.
So here I am, trying to set boundaries and put myself first, prioritise my mental health — especially when it’s about a decision I spend 90% of my time, i.e. home and at work (I say 90% because my social life dies down in winter OK, it’s cold… I invite people in). In all honesty, I am not sure why I am telling myself this, it sort of feels like I am convincing myself that I made the right decision. Overthinking my options, but choosing to refuse still. A “thanks but no thanks” is, or can be, a very legitimate decision. Yet it’s proving to be a hard lesson.
For 2019 I had 5 resolutions, and I definitely would like to do a recap on them. Even though I sort of feel like failing myself mostly there. I want to set the bar right for 2020. I want to do better, and be better… not just for everyone around be — mostly for me. It feels highly self-centred, yet it seems like I need exactly that. One of my flatmates asked me: “if you don’t put yourself in first place, who will?” — What she said sounded like a full-on TED talk, but it did help.
I don’t want to be self-centred, but I want to learn to set boundaries, for myself and the people around me. To prioritise the right things, including my mental health. And yes, I want to be ready for all that’s to come… as ready as I’ll ever be maybe, but ready nonetheless.