When you won’t allow yourself a break

Hi! So I have a little favour to ask you. This past couple of weeks haven’t exactly been a walk in the park. I have tried standing on my own feet after therapy and failing sort of miserably, getting my wisdom-tooth removed surgically while (of course) I have quite a bit of a fear for doctors/hospitals and, once again, moving house. But fair enough, now we’re here — gotten past that, and now what? Do I give myself a pat on the back while simultaneously saying to myself “well that wasn’t that big of a deal now, was it? Stop whining and get your shit together”. Very unsurprisingly, that is exactly what I’m doing. Is it working? Not really, no.

This is exactly what I’d like to discuss in today’s episode of oversharing-on-mental-health-issues-that-I’m-not-comfortable-with-to-talk-about-face-to-face. What a fucking joy!

In all seriousness though, it is quite frustrating to discover that somehow I somehow got wired, or developed a coping mechanism that now got outdated and unusable. But not only outdated and unusable, it’s more like… the Windows XP operating system that now no longer is supported by Microsoft and is very prone to viruses and nasty malware. Maybe that’s a good analogy (and quite a bit too IT-savvy maybe). It’s like… I need an update to my software but I’m not sure what I need to complete my update?

If this in any way resonates, let me (as a very-non-touchy-feely person) give you a virtual hug.

Self love and compassion is a big subject these past couple of years. People are all about the ‘pampering sessions’ and giving yourself little moments of ‘luxury’ to give yourself some “well-deserved TLC”. But what if you love reading on how to do this, but not really allow yourself to relax? Not really allowing yourself to take a breather? When you’re constantly battling thoughts, all the while not being able to reach your feelings — making the sheer idea of spare time exhausting, while already being exhausted from your work and responsibilities. I told you, it’s a fucking joy this one.

So my question is, how do you relax? And with ‘relax’ I don’t mean “frantically scroll through your blogroll because you’ve told yourself that you’re allowed 15 minutes and no longer because…!”, but I mean the kind of relax that you feel a bit lighter and a bit more wholesome afterwards. A bit more like you can distance yourself from the daily grind and tune back in with yourself. I know it exists, I just don’t know how to get there anymore and I know this is different for everyone — but I’m interested to hear what works for you? :)