How to keep going?

artwork by Günseli Sepici

Ok, so a little something different today. I want to talk about something with you, maybe it’s still my existential crisis talking here, but I still want to get this out there. Currently, I am in pursuit of living my best life. Life is short, time flies past and everyday we are the youngest we will ever be again. Maybe this fear of losing grips on the here and now, is partly fed by a question I got a few weeks ago: are you afraid of growing older?

Well, am I? At first, I said no! Absolutely not. I think I feel grateful to be able to age older, be healthy and get a brand new day everyday to keep going. But then it started to sink in. Is time running out (slowly and steadily)? Am I really getting “too old for this shit”? Mind you, I will become 25 this summer and I know this is not “old”. But it’s the oldest I’ve ever been. It’s a quarter of a century. Maybe I’m already halfway of the time I have in this life?!

I interpreted these things in two ways. Let me explain. I am currently in pursuit of living my best life. I’m aiming for the things I think I want to do. I’m working hard to get food on the table, and maybe a little more. Like owning my own table in my own home, as I’m currently living with housemates to keep the cost of rent low. I’m struggling, but I’m learning and growing as a person to become better.

But at the same time, everywhere around us we see people who are more succesful than us. I mean, they’re everywhere. And it’s hard not to compare myself with them. And with the comparison, crippling doubts and fears creep in. What if…? Is one of the questions I loathe most.

I know comparison in the thief of all joy. I know it’s not fair on myself to ask ‘what if…?’.  And I know that I shouldn’t do any of it, that’s it’s an ongoing process, that I should practice, that I should do a lot of things — like being compassionate with oneself. I know there are good days, and there are bad days. Most times I’m good and jolly, like right now that I’m writing this post. But sometimes my brain doesn’t really do what I want. And then sometimes it happens that I don’t practice the things I should, or that I can’t seem to be fair on myself…and it’s shit. But I know I’m not the only one.

Mind you, I don’t think this is about growing older. Though I don’t really know what it is about to be honest. But here’s my question… how do you keep going? How do you keep going day in day out. What do you do that keeps your mind at ease? And how do you cope? What keeps you motivated?

ps. one of the things I like to do when I feel it’s not going to plan: I blog, or I visit my favourite blogs.
Or I cook pasta. And maybe listen to actual 30’s jazz.