Day 19: On Selfcompassion (when travelling alone)

be kind to yourself

Apparently, travelling alone teaches you a great deal. And, newsflash, I think I thought a little too lightly of travelling alone when I was scheming this trip. Because, fair enough, I would be volunteering quite some bit of my time. I would help out with work and stay at people’s homes or hostels – surrounded by people. I knew there were going to be weeks days and weeks in between. But I got to be totally and utterly with myself a lot more. And the only one who really has to deal with that, is me.

From the get go I would beat myself up a bit when I walked the wrong way, or bough the “wrong kind” of onigiri or iced-tea. And so there are many more things I was being an ass about to myself. Which, as a matter of fact, did not just occur when I was travelling alone. I kind of realised I was already bringing myself down constantly before this trip. And the trip made me realise that I struggle with this a lot? You know, perfectionism?

The only constant factor these 3 months will be me. I have to put up with myself for three whole months! If I keep bitching to myself, how will I enjoy this “trip of a lifetime”? I’d like to believe that once we’ve stated down why we are [our own worst enemy] exactly in that moment, we can work on it and improve ourselves.

And so it begins, while I was travelling to Kyoto today from Aichi Prefecture I decided to fully do what I was feeling good about. The check-in at the hostel was possible from 3pm, and as I don’t want to push myself into awkward social situations I just took an hour (or 2) longer as I just wanted to avoid having to ask for an earlier check-in and finish my book while sitting at Kyoto station.

I also got myself a little sketchbook and a pencil today. Travelling for 3 months isn’t exactly like a normal holiday where you constantly ‘Go! Go! Go!’ from place to place sightseeing. I really missed something to do (like something crafty), and even though I am not good at drawing: it’s nice to get my mind off of things and focus on something else. I was feeling really kind to myself today, and now as a result I am feeling a lot less anxious about things. Even though I got a massive headache and should be heading to bed (it’s only 9.35pm, sooo earlyyyy) but I should probably put my thoughts to action and be kind to myself and allow myself an early night dammit.

So here’s me resolving I should be kind to myself and putting it online to make it more official. No matter what. (Carpe diem, life is short, yolo, etc, etc.)

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