Travelling alone teaches you a great deal. I think I thought a little too lightly of travelling alone when I was scheming this trip. Because, fair enough, I would be volunteering quite some bit of my time. I would help out with work and stay at peoples homes or hostels – surrounded by people. But there are all those days and weeks – and hours really – in between where I’m totally and utterly with myself. And the only one who really has to deal with that, is me.
Of course I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t being so hard on myself when I was “going the wrong way!” or buying “the wrong kind!” of onigiri or iced-tea. And so there are many more things I was being an ass about – to myself. Which, as a matter of fact, did not just occur when I was travelling alone. I kind of realised I was already bringing myself down constantly before this trip. And I now sort of realise that I struggle with this a lot?
And this is HORRIBLE when travelling alone. The only constant factor these 3 months will be me. I have to put up with myself for three whole months! If I keep bitching to myself, how will I enjoy this trip of a lifetime? And I think I sort of knew all of this already. And I know better! We tell ourselves so many things, and we read so many Pinterest-quotes. Like, people sometimes say we are our own worst enemy. And there’s some truth in that. But now I’d like to believe that once we’ve stated down why we are [our own worst enemy] exactly in that moment, we can work on it and improve ourselves.
And so it begins, while I was travelling to Kyoto today from Aichi Prefecture I decided to fully do what I was feeling good about. Sitting down for half an hour at the transfer in Nagoya station? Sure! Why not!? Waiting(/chilling?) for a bit at Kyoto station because, well, check-in at the hostel was only around 15.00 and I didn’t want to be too early because social anxieties etc? SURE, WHY NOT?
I also got myself a little sketchbook and a pencil today. Travelling for 3 months isn’t exactly like a normal holiday where you constantly ‘Go! Go! Go!’ from place to place sightseeing. I am seeing a lot, and probably more than on a regular holiday (heck, I’m staying 3 months!). And I really like crafting/creating to keep my mind of of things. I started embroidery last year, but decided before my trip it would probably take up too much space. Now I really missed something, and even though I am not good at drawing – it’s nice to get my mind off of things and focus on something else. I was feeling really kind to myself today, and now I am feeling a lot less anxious about things. Even though I got a massive headache and should be heading to bed (it’s only 9.35pm, sooo earlyyyy) but I should probably put my thoughts to action and be kind to myself by putting myself to bed.
So here’s me resolving I should be kind to myself. No matter what. (Carpe diem, life is short, yolo, etc, etc.)